I did what no one else should do

This article has been submitted by Sourav Panda for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think this article is a good read, ‘Like’ this article on Facebook (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘comments’ section below.

Hi People. This was my first attempt at blogging. I had written it during the most excruciating times of the year for a law school aspirant. During the ‘waiting period’ for the CLAT results. The main object of this post was not attracting a lot of followers/viewers, but to show my FRUSTRATION in a very overt way. The good and bad thing was that this page didn’t talk back to me, so that made me think I had all the time in the world to post a good enough story.

To begin with, let me tell you who I am, where am I from, what have I done and what am I going do?

I am a guy. A normal one. Yes, the ones you see in the crowd. Yes, I am one of them. I did my 10th from St.Vincent’s Convent School a very reputed school of my town. Mind it, I said of my town.. I didn’t study hard throughout the year to make an image of a ‘cool dude’ in the school, but in December for the pre-boards I tried hard and got 49 %..I was shocked! I decided I’ll study harder for the boards. I did. In the meanwhile I got a warning letter from the school to attend extra classes meant for ‘weak students’ during the preparation holidays. I felt horrible. The whole school will watch me enter the classroom ,attend extra classes and give re-tests! To me that was the worst punishment anyone could give to anyone. I did attend all the classes. I gave all the re-tests. And believe me, it felt bad on the 1st day, a little lesser on the second and third day, and then it vanished. I cleared my boards. I got 79.2% . Never in my life had I thought I’ll get less than 80% whatsoever be the circumstances.

12th: I had a lot of discussion with my parents, a lot of head scratching regarding science or commerce and finally I took commerce for my 12th. I knew, it was easy. I just had to work a little smarter and I’m there. I was right. I did not study hard for two straight years. But last few months I worked my backsides off and I made it.. I was Rank 3 in my college and within top 25 of the state. 84.33% I was glad. My parents were too.

CLAT’10: Then the decision of taking CLAT 2010. It was for my parents. I took two law exams. 1-Symbiosis Entrance Test. 2- Common Law admission Test. I did not take any coaching for it. It was an unprepared attempt albeit I got some expert advices from my brother. My SET went well,atleast I had thought so. 97 out of 150.My CLAT went bad with a lot of random marking in the gk sections.122/200. The cut off was 134. Everyone(which includes only my parents) said I might make it. I knew I won’t .Even they knew I won’t. That was just their way of motivating me. Little did I realize the value of getting into NLSIU then. Little did I realize the value of getting 99.9 percentile then. After my exams, I read a book. A famous fiction. That book made me think, I’ll make it. All I needed was a little bit of practice. I took a drop.

Drop:From JUNE 2010- JUNE 2011:
All I did is ordered the postal course of a very famous institute. I got it within a short period of time. I opened the 1st packet. Saw the books. Read a few pages. That was it. I wasted at least 5-6 months doing nothing, absolutely nothing towards CLAT 2011. January comes. I started reading a few magazines.

February comes. I started giving a few tests.

March Comes. I came to NEW DELHI. On the station I made a few promises to myself to be the topper, to be the king, to be dude within these two months.

I studied a bit more than the last 3 months in this month. But the main problem was I was dissatisfied. I dreamt of being in the TOP 50 students. In My mocks I was amongst the 500s &1000s.Not even 100s. I felt horribly tensed every night.

April comes. I give some tests. I perform like an average student. The time was running like crazy and I was unable to get out of the ‘average student’ bracket.. In front of my eyes was 1 damn thing -TOP 50!!

May Comes. My 1st exam was on the 1st of May. NLU DELHI. I had thought I would do very well in the exam. I appeared for it. Out of 150 questions, I could attempt 125- 130. Rest was randomly marked. Am I joking?? NLU D and 25 marks randomly marked. I was devastated.

May 7th, SET: I felt confident. I went to the exam hall pretty confident of cracking it. The exam went very well. At least that is what I am thinking. I am sure I’ll get 102+ that is 5 marks more than last year. Am I joking? 1 year drop, and 5 marks increase? But mind it people, this is what I am thinking. I might get more.

May 15th. THE D- DAY. THE FINAL DAY WHEN I CREATE HISTORY! I went to the hall 1 hour earlier. Went to a coffee shop so that the heat does not drain me out. Had a lemon ice tea to keep me energized. The exam began. I was so excited that I wrote the most essential part of the OMR sheet wrong. That is, MY ROLL NUMBER. Can you imagine? Probably the biggest day of my life and all matters is my roll number and I goof up with it. Thank ,Thank God I could erase it with an eraser. And made it all right. I lost a couple of minutes there. Then I turned to the legal section. I started reading it with full speed. I did my 1st question. 2nd. 3rd. And then I realized every question was very different from what I had practiced. I did it with all patience. Keeping an eye on time, 45 legal questions in 50 mins.Phew! I turned to logical. WTF! is the 1st phrase that came to my mind. All were passage based. Lengthy. I turned to GK. I had thought I would do well in this part.50 questions in less than 10 mins. I did it on time. I forgot that I also had to be correct.

I turned to logical again. 45 questions. I did some short ones quickly. 5-10 in 5 mins. I turned to maths.

I already was weak in this subject. If the questions would have been easy I would have taken some breath. No. I found them difficult. Mind it again, I was weak in maths. I did solve some. May be 2-3 or 3-4. and rest was so randomly marked. In between a couple of maths sums, I used to visit the logical part. 5-10 questions in 5-7 mins. Finally after maths ,I devoted some time for logical. I had solved 25 so far. I did 5 or 10 more, I don’t remember exactly . And I went to English. WTF-2 was the new phrase in my mind. All 40 marks were passages. I had 10-15 mins more. I tried to read as fast as I could . I did a couple of questions from the 1st passage. In the deep oceans of passages, I found 1 vocabulary and 1 grammar question at the end of the list of questions. I applied some brain. 2*4= 8 .I am not that weak in maths,eh?? Ha-ha?? I quickly did all the 8 questions. I tried to find out some direct questions in the passages. I found some. Maximum attempts 15. Rest were randomly marked. The invigilator not only snatched my paper that day but also my last chance of creating history in CLAT 2011. I was worried. I came out. Called up my best friend. She said she had a disgusting paper too. I called up my class topper. He said he randomly marked some 20 odd marks. I felt a little relieved. The whole hall was bursting with ‘how bad their paper was’.

I have around 10 days now for CLAT results. I am hell worried. Top 50?? Can I even make it to top 500??

In the meanwhile NLU D results are out. You want to make a guess? Don’t. I got 78 out of 150. Hell yes. This is all, after a drop. A year full of dreaming. A year full of GOALS. I am worried. My heart beat at present is unfathomable. My breathing rate has doubled. I want to be positive. I want to smile. It’s difficult. It’s painful. I want to do it. NLSIU 2011-2016. Top 50. Please. Let my guesses be correct. I want to do it……..NLS,NLS,and NLS.

I got my SET scores. Guess?? 97. Remember my last year scores? It was 97. Where did I go wrong? I screwed it up. BIG, BIG time.
Last hope: CLAT, CLAT 2011.
NLU O . I gave the exam. I did not study at all. So that I give the exam unprepared without pressures. The result? I did not mark 15 – 20 questions at all. I randomly marked 40 questions or more. So if the cut off is as low as 60 I might think of it. The questions I attempted were good. Let us see.
Nothing below NLSIU. I know I’ll do it. 🙂 AAL IZZ WELL!!
I thought that I’ll add up another failure to my list. I won’t now. The reason is, I know I will crack CLAT 2011… I will do it. Yes, I can and I will. My heart says I will. My brain says I may. Nothing says I can’t. Please o’ alphabets.. Let me do it. I will? OH YES I WILL!
CLAT RESULTS OUT!!
So I am in NLS? No dude, not yet. NALSAR? FUCK NO!! Top 100?? NO Top 1000? NO NO NO NO!

My score? 98. My rank 3000+something. Yes, this is the result when you mess up with your focus, your goals and your time management…!!

Disastrous! And yeah , 1 year drop and a good for nothing still!
Droppers ,learn the lessons. I have learnt them all paying a very high price.. VERY HIGH PRICE!
I pray, none, none of you I repeat, face this. The results are to be out. All the very best to all you people. May all of you succeed!
Sourav, signing off..