Awww.. Chooo Chweet – What Rubbish!

By Praveen Dwivedi -
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This article has been submitted by Smriti Tripathi for the CLATGyan Blog Post Writing Competition. If you think this article is a good read, ‘Like’ this article on Facebook (the button is at the bottom of this piece) or post a comment using the ‘comments’ section below.

When I started writing, I never intended, or imagined that I’ll write something as offensive as this. But, since we all ‘need a break’, here it goes to the amazing creatures I met.

Dear Plastics,

Life is miserable, unkind and cocky. But thanks for being there when I looked for little reasons to smile and laugh in my monotonous routine. The mere appearance of you makes me giggle, let alone the way you speak and act. You fake brands when you actually use dumped stuff. That dress you brought yesterday makes you look plump and NOT hot! You wear shorts when your legs are of an elephant. And, then you ask me all the way why all these guys are so obsessed with you that they can’t help but stare. You talk about the on-screen couples all day long and Cosmopolitan is your bible. Oh please! Give me a break girl. The next time I hear any more of this Saif-Kareena conversation and I’ll burn all your magazines. You look like a pig when you pout but still you don’t have a single smiling picture and you don’t bother about how many times I’ve tried telling you to hold on that slutty look. You fake accents and say you don’t get Hindi a bit but that’s what I hear you speaking to your mom, isn’t it? You go ‘Awwww‘ and ‘ily’ at every random girl you talk to and back-bitch in a second. I wonder how much of bitching-hormones did the almighty bless you with. Female-dogs would be so jealous. You count your crushes like I count my money. You blame the ‘orthodox’ crowd every time you return from a party because no guy approached you. That’s so sad! Given the surplus amount of make-up you applied, I pity you. Oh! And, please! Don’t tell me about how that guy approached you and you made him beg to you like a dog! And please, for the love of god; stop giving me your precious advice to accept every other proposal I get. Seriously; NOT interested. You make the language sound so plastic. I’d love to know why you call it choooo(so), chweeeet(sweet), uh(you), puhlexxx(please) when the original version is so short & simple. When I sit down to study, don’t go bragging and branding the cheap handbag you just brought from Sarojini as Mango. Whenever, god forbid, but; mistakenly, whenever I talk any brainy stuff to you, don’t tag it ‘boring’ or ‘dry’. I might just murder you for insulting the very oxygen of my life. Please eat some of your make-up so that you can be pretty on the inside and replace the pout with a genuine smile for your outside-beauty.

Love,
Your Nerd.

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26 COMMENTS

  3. Hi Smriti.

    Firstly, I fail to understand why you chose to submit such a hateful post for a blog writing competition. You seem to be a great writer, you surely didn’t run out of nice/funny/happy/sad topics to write about?

    Secondly, stop being so judgemental. It’s clear that your ‘friend’ is suffering from a serious inferiority complex because she feels she’s not as pretty/intelligent/popular/rich as you. She pouts, gossips, puts on loads of make up and acts cute to get attention. People who’ve got stuff inside them and KNOW that they have stuff inside them don’t act that way. One day, she will wake up and realize that make up can only take her so far in life. That day, she’s going to be miserable as hell. Be nice to her till then. 

    Thirdly, the fact that you published a post degrading someone behind their back doesn’t say very nice things about you either. It’s okay to have opinions about people, but it’s NOT OKAY to talk behind their backs. Like your plastic girl, you’re also judging people based on their outer appearance/characteristics and have made no attempt to find the ‘real person’. ‘Nerds’ who’ve achieved ‘self-actualization’ don’t do that. It just shows that you’re not very different from the subject of your post, even though you like to think you are!

    Lastly, what if your friend finds out about this post? I’m sure she’s not going to be very happy. Does belittling someone make you happy? Your harsh criticism is not going to improve her behaviour in any way! You could have instead chosen to be the wise, sympathetic friend who gently put her on the right track. It would’ve earned you a lot of respect. Not to forget loads of good karma!

    The next time you write a hateful post about someone, try walking around in their shoes first. There’s always a reason why people act the way they do. If you ignore their idiosyncrasies for a while, you’ll be surprised to find that they aren’t half as bad. You just need to give people a chance…

    Regards,
    a REAL nerd.
    (PS: Just like you, I’m also ‘taking a break’. That explains the long comment. At any other point of time, I can’t be bothered to give free advice.)

    • I wish there was a ‘like’ button for the comments here Zenny. I absolutely agree with what you’ve put across. Cheers. 🙂

    • Hello Zenny. 🙂

      Well! Well! Yes, I could have chosen any other topic. But if anything else, why not this?
      And, I’m NOT being judgmental. I would not prefer to mention the intricate details of their persona I’ve revealed. But, I’ve lived with them for over an in year, in the same room and know every inch of them very well. Just saying.

      Also, this is no back bitching. I’ve pet named them as ‘Plastics’ and they, call me ‘Nerd’ in return. There’s a lot in background of this post. They’ve all read it and we guys had a good laugh that night. 😛

      Also, I’m not CRITICIZING them. You tend to draw up conclusions very fast. It was just intended to be humorous and at the same time real. Don’t tell me I’ve exaggerated stuff. It’s all real but NOT to degrade any one’s repute.

      And, please. I don’t want to walk in their shoes. I love mine better.

      Cheers! 🙂

        • Heylo Smriti…When I wrote the comment, I expected some nasty response from you, like “how could you say that???”, “shut up”, “Mind your own business” etc. I definitely didn’t expect three smileys and a “cheers!”. 
          And I almost loved the last line. 
          You’ve taught me something new about internet etiquette (albeit unitentionally!).
          So cheers…and peace. 😛

          • Hahaha! Glad to hear that. And, I did not find anything offensive in your comment, in the first place. It is natural for you to question the piece as you don’t know the background details.

            Criticism is always welcome. 🙂

  9. u r toxic girl…insanely superb….i read all the posts, u forced me to comment on your’s…a pat on your back…

  12. This is awesome. Totally loved it. Especially that part- ” You count your crushes like I count my money”. 😀 

  13. “That’s so sad! Given the surplus amount of make-up you applied, I pity you.”

    My favorite line frm the txt. Loved it! <3

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