Under the invisibility cloak. Story of a person who had ‘aged’ for CLAT.

By Praveen Dwivedi -
39
5119

Invisible

I’m just like you.

Just like everybody else.

 

With a single exception.

I couldn’t take CLAT 2011.

And this is my story.

 

Hailing from a not-very-busy town, I’m a simple, shy person.  But I wasn’t so always.

I was a student of a reputed convent of my town, an active participant in extra-curricular activities and fairly good in sports & academics. My life there was — protected. Innocent. Bliss. I was one of the popular girls of our school and everyone was my friend and I, a friend to everyone. I had played state level basketball and was the environment club president. And later when I was made the college captain nothing seemed better. I had just fulfilled my dream. What I didn’t realize was that life won’t remain the same always. My life took a shift from normal after my board results. They were ‘good’ but not what I had expected. “Not worth the hard work I put in.” I thought. Now I must tell you that I’m not a very positive person. Not that I don’t try to be otherwise, but it’s just that my default mode is ‘sad’. “Pensive”.  The 10th board results gave a sharp blow on my confidence. It now came down to zero on the scale. None the less I opted for science in my senior year because I loved “the concepts of physics”. My mother on the other hand was worried sick. How was I going to cope with maths, my phobia??? I remember telling her, “arre sab ho jayega! Physics hai to main hu!” But that didn’t happen. I barely passed in maths both the years. And chemistry didn’t help either. The only saving grace was English & Physics (both subjects I never took seriously because I seemed naturally good at them). Education for me means knowledge. Learning something new every time. English wasn’t a subject to me it was a language. There is always room to improve, but learn? No.  And physics, well, sure there are a lot of concepts & theories & stuff, and I no doubt love them, but after a while they become repetitive. Concepts flow away and we are left with numericals ! I became mad. In the real sense of the word!!! Physics had stopped satisfying my curiosity & there was nothing else to fill the void! Exam after exam I received blows on my confidence. Thrusting myself into studies, I left the world behind me but all in vain. No matter how much effort I would put in, my grades just wouldn’t improve. And now my confidence had shifted to the negatives on the scale. I stopped participating in extra-curricular activities & left sports completely and thus I became fat. Strangely those people from high school whom I considered to be my friends didn’t want to help. On the contrary they made things worse, if that was possible.  Then came the cherry on top. Secondary school board results. One word description: disaster. Dad got mad & mum all the more worried. I gave every possible entrance exam. Field no-bar. But our house had become a site of war. Dad & mum wanted me to do law. As for me, I had just one thought in my mind. “I’m not a loser and I shall prove it.” Everybody everywhere told me that engineering was the most difficult field for science students. And Lo and Behold the next thing I knew, I wanted to become an engineer! All this while there was a tiny voice inside my head telling me I was wrong. That I’m not meant for that field and if I become an engineer the little spark for learning that’s left in me will also die and with it my zeal for life. But I paid no heed. All this was happening while I was waiting for my entrance exam results. And when they finally arrived, all hell broke loose!! Aieee: not good. IIT: wtf?! Uptu: selected. Srm/Manipal/Comed: selected. NIFT: waitlisted. Clat: 121. NID: not selected. I went insane! Adamantly telling everyone I wanted to go to Manipal. Not hearing anything else. That’s when dad got worried. Then we made a deal. He asked me to join a law coaching institute while I await my counseling (roughly a month), after which if I still wanted to go in for engineering he won’t stop me. Halfheartedly, I agreed. First day at coaching: GK. Horrific. I didn’t know a thing! Smirking, I told myself, “I was right! I’m meant for engineering!” But keeping my side of the deal I kept going. Class after class I realized I was slowing becoming alive. Legal, logical, reasoning, GK, arithmetic…..the world is stuffed with things I don’t know!!! And the change in me was visible to all! On the dinner table I would go on endlessly citing cases and legal issues and laws lesser known to common man! I didn’t have to push myself to study & was happy again in the new world that I had found! And I happily gave up my orthodox idea of becoming an engineer! It seemed to me as if I had found my calling! But again…I forgot a simple rule of life. It doesn’t remain the same forever.

I can’t take CLAT.

When the forms began to be issued, I got news. I won’t be able to take CLAT. I’ll be over-aged. Exactly a month older than the upper age limit. My whole year wasted!!! What did I drop for? This?? I went into a state of numbness. My whole year wasted!!!! “WHY?”, I kept asking myself.  And one day I finally got an answer. “Because this is what makes you happy.”, said that tiny voice within me. And I rose again. All my life I’d never studied for marks or ranks or certificates. Then why now? No CLAT wasn’t the end. It can’t be. Yes life would have been different in NALSAR (the place I wanted to go), but it’s not necessarily going to be bad outside it. I shook myself & started preparing again. NLU-D, Symbiosis, Jamia, AMU…even IP!! CLAT wasn’t going to stop me! Mumma & papa were super supportive!!! Didn’t care about the name of the college as much as my happiness. And I walked again.

Now with NLU-D & Symbi results out, I wonder how life would have been had I stuck to engineerin. But then, I guess, it doesn’t matter anymore. I didn’t make it to NLU-D by-the-way. My Symbi score is nice though. I gave my IP paper yesterday & now await its results.

I wonder how mum and dad knew what I was meant for. I’m grateful to The Power above for blessing me with them. Without them I’d still be a lost soul.

I’ll be honest and say that a part of me is dead. The strength to fight is fading rapidly. The courage to look people in the eye is gone. I’m an invisible person in the crowd. Nothing special. Nothing different. But I still walk forward because my greatest strength is still alive. My hope. I hope for a better tomorrow. I hope people won’t judge me by the name of my college. I hope they won’t laugh behind my back.  I hope someday I will become the bold, outgoing person I once was.

And I hope one day I will make myself proud.

I believe someday…I will.

“The battle belongs to the persistent.. Victory will go to the one who never quits. Winning doesn’t start around you, it begins INSIDE you.”

P.S.- I apologize for not disclosing my name but I am not yet ready to face the world head-on.

 

Anonymous


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39 COMMENTS

  3. Dear strong-willed
    if u have the courage to write about ur mistakes,ur ill luck of not getting an opportunity to write clat and the courage to be hopeful i am sure u have the courage to face the world.u r strong,u r talented and u have the potential so stop caring what people might say,be happy about the fact that u have found the career u want to be in and ultimately it does not matter much which college u study law in what matters more is how u study it,what u make out of the opportunities u get.so be postitive and face the world with courage bcoz atleast u tried,u fought and worked hard..all the best
    P.S my story is very similar to u 🙂

  4. heart touching!..seems like my story somewhere..
    Dropped a year for clat…dnt made it to any top college …i was doing pretty well in my coaching institute…i was getting confident ..But GOD cnt help but making me stumble whenever my life is going smooth …Ha! now again m in same situation that i was in 12th …WHAT TO DO NOW ? situation ..
    m gettin colleges of lower ranks but my ego is not ready to deflate ..( dis is nt wat i studied for so hard)
    But am thinkin of giving clat next year ….il go in any college now ..coz nw my aim is top three colleges …Lets see where fate takes ….I dnt think GOD will again throw a stumbling block in my way..

  5. here are many whoo have a story like u.. ur hope walli line reminds me of a msg:: world’s best sound is ur heartbeat,, it teels u that still u r alive wen evry1 considers u dead!!! (this happens with many ppl)
    mark my words:: u r gona rule this world one day.. it will take time,, but u will !!!
    god bless u..

  7. i wish i knew who you were.
    you will be win,where ever you go,whatever you do.
    Don’t ever give up.
    Don’t ever stop fighting.
    Don’t ever let anybody make you feel like you are less than who you are.
    who ever you are.i wish you all the luck in the world.i hope we get to meet someday.

    The dreams of the broken are mightier than the wishes of the dead. ~Dodinsky

    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Henry S. Haskins

    from a fellow traveler in this journey we call life.all the best.

  8. well…itz awsum…even i hav the same kinda story..except 2 d fact that i gave clat n couldnt make it inspite of dropping a year…a rank f 2849 isnt good enough… 
    yesterday when i was totally shattrd…i gave up evry hope..n 2day when i read this article of yours..it seems that m alive again…well..there is 1 thng for sure..hope resides inside us..itz jst v’ve 2 find it…i found it aftr reading this article…whoever r u..watever ur name is…thanx alot fr dis….
    n yeah…clat is not d end of the world.. 
    god bless u…tc..:)

  9. You’re writing touched me!
    Never let that belief die in you..that is all the guiding force one needs.. 🙂
    I believe in the same. 🙂
    I so agree with you.. that one should acquire knowledge throughout life, from wherever possible.
    For me..I want to study ‘Law’. My aim is not to become a “Lawyer”.  🙂

  12. I wish u all the best for ur lyf ahead…it is said If you aim for heaven and you miss, you’ll still hit the stars or at least the tree tops,so don’t worry u will CERTAINLY reach dat top where everyone would recognize u by ur NAME and will admire u…just keep doing d hard work and keep the hope alive !!!

  15. hi!!!whoever u r i loved ur article..its so touching..and after days of severe depression i feel better after reading your article..even i dropped a year and scored  in the 4 digits it left me totally shattered but still a ray of hope is surely there and ofcourse this is not the end of the world..btw your writing skiils are really gud why not try for CATE exam for english hons…ull definitely get a good colg and  your talent will be put to good use..and age is no bar in this exam….

  16. Hey!
    Whosoever you are, I’m so touched by what you wrote.
    Never let your faith n hope vanish. always keep your head high n make your own mark.
    Best Wishes!

  17. I’m glad so many ppl liked my article. I ddnt xpct this response. All of you should know that every single comment & every single ‘like’  means the world to me.
    They’re helping me build myself up again.
    Thank you all. 
    P.S.- I dnt knw if its worth being told, bt I got thru a couple of clgs.
    Im finally joining symbi noida. Tho my marks were average (94) my gdpi made a big difference. Im now rank 42.
    Im hoping to start afresh. New college. New life. & hopefully a new me.

  18. its so good that u shared all diz..
    there are not many ppl who can share dere tngs like diz…
    ur journey was wonderfully leaving aside a silly mistake..
    college doesn’t matter at the end of the day they are going to teach law only..
    you nva koe with the kind of efforts u r puttin u can be very successful lawyer in ur life..
    BEST OF LUCK…

  20. fantabulous writting skills…:)
    evn in ma lyf der r huge asteriods rolling on ma way to success…trying hard at evry level to jump over them…similar  lyf story….clat 2011 was huge blow in ma lyf …got 1800 rank…lost it badly….but still hoping for DI best in lyf…!!

  21. hey you…….this was one of the most heart touching story i have read………in a way i do feel for you coz m going through same phase of my life…but unlike you i was able to take clat this year but could’nt make it to top colleges and now unlike my friends i cant give another shot coz i have ‘aged’ for clat as you put t…..so i have to be satisfied with what i have now….n give my heart pep talk “to not be discouraged ….law school is a law school even if its not in top 5……”:(and move on…………….thank you for sharing your story,braveheart…………………………………………………best wishes for your future life:)

  22. Whatever happens,happens for something better…
    Never loose hope…after all it’s we,who make dis world…
    Never get carried away wid the world…Instead carry the world wid you…
    I wish you get out of the darker side and shine like a star… :):)
    TC..

  23. Dear Anonymous. Congratulations on your boldness. Now take the next higher step and reveal your name and e-mail ID to the world. Believe me, it will give you great confidence. My daughter slogged for an year but could not make it to NLU-D or CLAT. She did not apear for Symbiosis. Nevertheless, she is going to join a good law college and is determined to prove her mettle. Best of luck to you and hope we are able to know you.

  26. hope ppl like us will shine 1 day…..i am not going to go down even after not making it to nls or nalsar. Clat2011 was supposed to be the most imp exam of my life  but i lost it…DONT EVER GIVE UP aspire for something bigger in life it will lessen up the pain and give u a reason to work hard once again…hope sumday we will write an article abt r success story from rags to riches……all the best dear companion……

  27. i guess after the degree in law, civil services is a great option for all of us who have diligently prepared for CLAT, the prelims is more or less going to be like the CLAT pattern and the mains exam syllabus too is being revised…we could really be the social engineers , the idea behind setting up the national law schools….

  28. i’m proud to say that the person who wrote this is a very close frnd of mine.. nd dis is to tell all of u that i am proud of her!!.. luv u my dear friend..

  29. amazing story, very inspiring.
    Thank you for sharing it with us. I’m sure you are going to do awesome at law school. And in life. 🙂

  30. Dicto my story !!  I am on the same verge as you are…
    but just like u! I still have hope! I still want to grow and develop 🙂
    And One day, I hope to meet you… !! N Girl! I would like to quote 
    Mother Teresa “God wouldn’t give you more pain, than u can handle”

    Believe me! It’s true. And M sure! God knows our hardwork is more important that any NLU tag!

    Best of luck for your future gurl! N mail me! 🙂

  31. well didi… u were from team satyam……i guess…..well i am aiming for clat….well i needed some guidelined and details….. ill contact u asap..

  32. Like I said before, SHEER BEAUTY this piece of writing is. 
    Totally loved it right from the start to the end. 
    And Dear Author, you are not alone now! We shall survive together. 😀

  33. U know what .. u have already  .. Life is survival .. N u r a living example of that .. congratulations friends 🙂

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