Jibber Jabber!

By : Rohan Muralidharan Iyer (Class of 2015 – NALSAR)

So the CLAT notification is out, it is going to be a rat-race to be the best among the rest. I am sure all of you are going to leave no stone unturned to get into one of the prestigious law schools. Moreover there are Boards and Pre – Boards to deal with too. This is a random jibber-jabber by a 5 pointer from law-school. I am not here to inspire or demoralize anyone; I am here to just share my experience with you.

I heard about CLAT when I was in my 12^th. I got all excited to appear for it, since being a lawyer was something that I always fantasised about! Consequently I gave the exam and secured a credible rank and got into one of the best law schools of the country. I consider myself lucky because there were many people who worked far more assiduously and yet could not make it. It’s been 1.5 years now in this college, but somehow I feel lost here. Lost in the sense I still question my decision as to why I chose law, was it only because of all the hype that law school has? Or was it because there was an overdose of ‘Boston Legal’. I might sound like an arrogant fool who does not appreciate the worth of being in a prestigious law school. But this is the thought that embraces me a lot many times. It’s one thing to give CLAT and it’s a different ball game altogether to survive here and to face the “real world” as a lawyer/ law school student. I am not saying people are extremely competitive (some of them are) here, nor am I suggesting that law is enormously challenging. Both of these assertions that people carry before entering a law school generally tend to be fallacious. The law schools have their own culture, which is different from the normalcy of the society but integrated with it too.

What I am trying to say is, just think, think and think one more time whether you want to enter this field or not. It is not all that rosy as it may sound. The pressure gets on to me, I feel like an incompetent idiot and elsewhere I might have been THE most happening phenomenon. The thought of just leaving everything and running away from the hustle-bustle strikes me often. The Internships, surprise tests, project deadlines etc. are elements which haunt me and will continue to do so throughout my law school career. But beyond all that, talking in abstract terms, I sometimes feel I just DO NOT belong here. It feels like whatever I do or plan to do is hollow and pointless. There are phases of depression and emptiness that I face. I feel I could have as well studied in DU (smoking away my college life, which I still do but without meaning to it). This feeling reaches its zenith when your grades suck or you lose a competition. Am I being an escapist? Possibly yes, but the fact is these thoughts occur to me even when the above mentioned “tragedies” do not hit me.  I know I am not the only one who has felt this way, but people tend to ignore this thought because frankly it is too late now and everyone has to make a career.

So, prepare to be malleable and flexible. It is not easy out here. Once again it is what I feel, your experience might be poles apart in comparison to mine. Just be doubly sure that this is the thing you want to do. Every field has its own challenges, both materialistic and abstract; it depends on the individual as to how he/she takes it. I am dealing with my set of challenge, you guys are going to. ALL THE BEST!

Time to sleep and wake up early for internship tomorrow 😀
RMI.